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December 2008

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Straight From the Groom

Eight things every bride should know about her soon-to-be mister


You may think your groom’s just a fool. He is, but don’t worry. With all of the mood swings you’re going through while planning your wedding, he thinks you’re crazy. There is a word for this predicament: love. To survive it, keep these guiding truisms in mind. 1. HE CAN’T SPELL AESTHETIC, AND HE DOESN’T HAVE ONE Unless he’s a design or fashion professional, don’t give your groom any say on the flowers, bridesmaid dresses, or anything else that contributes to the “look” of your wedding, lest you want it to it turn out like a tailgating party. Chances are he won’t want to have a say anyway. But if he thinks he does, set him straight. He’ll thank you later. 2. HE KNOWS NOTHING Despite what you may think—heck, despite what he may think—your groom is clueless about weddings. Up to now, wedding planning has never entered his mind because it’s been too cluttered with golf, electronics, and bikinis. As a result, you will have to guide him if you want him involved. 3. HE DOESN’T TEST WELL So you’ve seen a romantic comedy in which an engaged woman is forced to choose between her dull fiancé and the artsy guy she just met in a coffee shop. How to prove which is best? Test your fiancé’s devotion, naturally. Here’s the thing: It’s just a movie. In real life such tests just zoom right past us or, worse, make us feel trapped. Look out for a truly deadbeat groom, but know if a man is asking you to marry him, that is a pretty good sign that he loves you. 4. HE IS PAINFULLY RATIONAL If a wedding were a company, your groom would be the finance department, especially if you two are paying for the wedding. He will show astonishment at the cost of flowers, cake, and everything else. Mostly he’s just a tightwad. But hear him out and think about alternatives, because there is often wisdom to his penny-pinching. 5. HE IS AFRAID OF HIS OWN EMOTIONS You may think that your groom is not excited enough about wedding preparations. But he has never been socialized to cry after picking out china patterns. Don’t worry; by the wedding day his husband gene will kick in, and he’ll know how to react when you walk down the aisle. 6.YES, HE’S AFRAID OF YOUR FATHER If you expect your groom and his future father-in-law to become best pals immediately, don’t be shocked when your man has something to do every time dear old dad enters the room. Blame Freud. 7. HE LIKES SHINY THINGS Tell your groom to pick out whatever flowers he wants and, if you’re lucky, he’ll come home with a burrito. But tell him he gets to plan the honeymoon (shiny travel), pick a photographer (shiny gadgets), and look for a band (loud noises), and he is a happy worker bee. Better yet, give him a written to-do list of things that he might enjoy (hint: flowers or dresses, no; logistics and entertainment, yes), and he is your slave. 8. HE IS COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT You’re freaking out. Your mother is freaking out. His mother is freaking out. It’s only natural he’s on edge, too. So when he says take a deep breath and relax, do it. And then tell him to follow suit.




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